Day 3: Temptations...

One more day...

I got through day 3 without too much difficulty. Except of course, for the temptations. If it's going to be getting this difficult, then it's going to be a long 40 days. I'm not actually hungry at this moment... from what I've read, the portion of your stomach that controls hunger will atrophy and not send the signal so much... but my MIND is going nuts. I'm thinking about food often, and smelling it from long distances off.

The temptation to eat something is almost overwhelming. I've done 7 day fasts before, and I was able to handle it, because I saw the "light at the end of the tunnel". I knew that I'd be getting food, glorious food, in only x days. But 36 more days to go? The tunnel is too long to see a light. And not just that, but of course I would have to ease back into eating foods. So I've been thinking of ways to "alter" my fast... maybe only weekdays! Go for 8 weeks, not eating 5 days a week! That's 40 days! Or, how about no solid foods for 40 days? I left myself a loophole with the whole "soup" thing, right? I could eat soup and drinks only, for 40 days. Or, I could fast one day on and one day off for 80 days!

Yes... temptations. It's hard when you don't see the end. It's almost like you're running out of hope. One truth is though, that I've been addicted to food for a while, over 31 years. And the desire for food is very much a physical desire, one that is denied at your peril.

We were supposed to go to the circus tonight, my family and I... and I dreaded the possibility of more stairs. I am not used to walking slowly up stairs, and yet I have to. Oh, I can run... when I heard a loud *bang* upstairs late last night, followed by the screaming of my kids, I bolted up there. But it's more difficult (not to worry, something fell in the closet and hit the closet door, and scared them. They don't like the closet door ever since "Monster's Inc"... but the spiritual significance of Hollywood making "friendly" monsters is another subject). I digress. It was decided to cancel the circus trip because of quite a few reasons, not the least of which was the fact that I'd have to watch everyone else eat at C*** F*****, which I would love love love love love to have. Mexican food is especially aromatic anyway, and that would just be awful to endure. Of course, the finances. But I think above all... I'm weary.

I went for a walk last night to the park to play with the kids. My son rode on my shoulders as I was getting ready to put him to bed. Lifting the youngest onto the swing, or holding my son up as he crosses the monkey bars... it's like everything is heavier.

But the highlight of the day was the temptations. I told myself more than once, "I don't know if this was a good idea". Or, "I don't know if I can do this". The kids were eating popcorn and I even began lusting after that. I know it's good to teach me to deny my flesh. But it sure is difficult. I haven't had an occasion yet to deviate. I'm in a good routine thus far, and as I've begun, so I'll continue. I do need to work on the "praying" part.

One day at a time.


But I'm going to continue. I haven't deviated from my plan yet.