Day 40: COMPLETE

Thank God for Saturday. Tomorrow I've invited Sister M***** and her husband Brother C***** out to eat, and they're supposedly coming. As for today though... I made it finally. Went out to do a little shopping, felt a little faint while in CVS. There wasn't much to report. I'm going to keep praying, and keep emailing Sister M*****, I told her in today's email that I'm still praying for her, but I'm done fasting, heh. I didn't announce it on facebook, But I did make a small sort of announcement that I'm praying and that I'm DONE finally. I also did tell my aunt, I had a long ride with her to take her home.

So that's what happened on the last day. Somehow I made it. Through God's grace... I made it. THANK GOD. I just hope I've made a difference in Sister M*****'s life... I know it has made a difference in mind.

Day 39: TGIF

What a long week! Probably because a watched pot never boils, and a long anticipated day is slow in coming. Somehow, I've made it through day 39.

The singspiration tonight was splendid. I managed to do my solo, sing 3 songs with the quartet, and 4 songs with the praise team. The worship was great. I managed to avoid the desserts at the end, although yet another woman guessed that I was fasting, and quite a few more people remarked on how much weight I've lost.

Sister M***** got up to do her song... and she mentioned that her treatments weren't effective, but that she was going to keep the faith. Afterward I caught up with her and talked a little bit about it, they were going to put her on another drug, and the MD's didn't give her a prognosis. I just felt (whether me or from elsewhere) that this would mean that the miracle from God would be even greater... man could do nothing, but with God, all things are possible. I told her I was still praying for her and her husband. I asked if she cared if I stopped emailing her, but she wanted me to continue... and she was sure of that. I invited her and her husband out to eat on Sunday.

On another note... I'm seriously announcing on facebook, when I have completed the fast. This is not to bring glory or attention or credit to myself. It's to challenge others to look outside themselves and do something for someone else. That is ultimately one of the main themes of the Bible.

There are so many people that have so many resources... time, strength, talent, even their body... that don't get utilized properly. I spend money on dumb things while people die of starvation without Jesus, and while Christians in China are executed. I whittle away my time on useless pursuits when I could be witnessing, studying the Bible, or encouraging. I age slowly, feeding my body day in and day out, when I could be fasting for someone. I have talents that are untapped, or rarely used, when I could be putting them to good use in God. This is what I have been pondering lately. Something to think about...

38: Forging Ahead...

I certainly thought that I would be in a different position by now, 38 days in. Although I've seen positive changes, setbacks, encouragement, discouragement, wisdom, and learned a lot of other things, I really did think this would be more spiritual than usual.

One thing I am surprised in is the number of times I've been offered something free to eat, either at church or at work, even as a guest in others homes. Gone out to eat, etc. Tomorrow is the last time I will have to deal with that, I think... tomorrow night after the singspiration, there's going to be free desserts. Fun stuff. I'm a sucker for desserts, but I won't be tomorrow evening.

I pray I'll learn more... the end isn't happening yet.

Day 37: The End is Near

I arrive at work, and I find that we have been brought donuts. Free donuts. What wretched luck. Oh well.

I managed to get through the workday, ran errands, got home, went to church, etc... I got several compliments from people about how much weight I've lost. I came very close... VERY close to telling two of them why. Not out of bragging... but I would like to inspire SOMEONE to do SOMETHING. It seems like nobody is doing anything... nobody is praying for her, nobody is fasting for her. It's just "another person that has cancer". It hasn't even been announced at church. It hasn't been mentioned in the prayer requests. It's frustrating.

I want to encourage others to do something more than simply being weak, fairweather christians. I want there to be a challenge in my life to grow constantly... and likewise, I want others to be challenged to grow, with their focus on God and not the stupid things of Laodicea. *sigh*

But I didn't. I'll hold my peace, and ponder these things anew...

Day 36: Low Key & Busy

Plenty of work to do at work, then even more to do once I got home. Shopping and such. Then practice for the singspiration on Friday night. As drummer, I felt like my arms were about to fall off. I keep forgetting to take my vitamin. But I drank a good enough amount of water... I suppose. Still getting settled at work. Still working out the songs for the singspiration. Things are going well enough.

I really would have though that I'd almost have some sort of... supernational powers by now, almost. Concentration, persuasion, something... but then again, I am already planning out my next few meals.

One thing I do not advise... don't go grocery shopping while on day 36 of a 40 day fast. I bought a lot more than I needed, but if I had really turned myself loose, I would have owned the store. Heh.

Day 35: Monday Blues...

What a BUSY day. I had to move my desk at work to a different building. And set everything up again. On top of that, there was lots of work. And meetings.

Overall, today was not a great day of progress... feels like one step forward, two steps back... but I'm still getting down and praying. Not as long as I should. Not as fervently... but I have to do it regardless. I have to make this a positive habit, regardless of if I feel I have failed or whether I feel victorious.

On another note, I've been contemplating something:
At the end of the fast, should I announce that I have completed it?

Your initial answer may well be "no", because it's supposed to be a secret. I could understand that it's something between God and I, but the Bible seems to indicate that it shouldn't be talked about WHILE you're going through it, to gain sympathy... you don't often gain sympathy "after the fact".

The question you might ask is, "Why? Why should I? What is the benefit of doing so?" That's simple enough... to inspire others to do so. I will almost guarantee you that there are precious few Christians that are willing or that think they are able to do something like this. There are probably less than 1 in 200 that even have considered it a possibility, much less done so. A 40-day fast is usually chalked up as something only for spiritual superhumans like Elijah, Moses, and Jesus (the only three in the Bible we have record of doing so). Even then, I've heard many ministers people speak of these as supernatural fasts, that they wouldn't be possible. Granted, since I'm not in the wilderness praying, I'm working and drumming, picking up my kids and shopping for groceries, I'm expending more energy and I'll need my system to not be completely shocked and destroyed... so I have had a few bowls of soup and occasional drinks of milk and juice. I've still lost 40+ pounds.

When Paul spoke in 2 Corinthians 11 & 12, he "boasted" of his accomplishments: being whipped 5 times (39 lashes each time), stoned, twice beaten with rods, shipwrecked three times... he also mentions starving when he didn't have food, and fasting when he did. He didn't write this to receive glory of those that read it, he wrote that so that they would aspire to be greater for God. It was all for God's glory. I believe it was the same for Daniel and his fasts, they are for God to get the glory from. But it was only told about after the fast.

So... what should I do? I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I would like Sister M***** to be encouraged in God, I would like the youth to be inspired, I would like the church to be challenged, and most of all, I want God to be edified.

I'll continue to ponder it...

Day 34: Church!

Today was "All Nations Sunday" at church. So we basically had a potluck of all KINDS of delicious foods. That I couldn't eat. A number of people mentioned to me that I looked like I had lost weight... and several people even remarked on the fact that I hadn't eaten anything. I tried to dismiss is as "I'm already done", or not be in the room in the first place. But some people knew I hadn't eaten... oh well.

I did get to talk to Sister M***** a little bit, she told me about how the people at her pharmacy were amazed, because her insurance covers an incredibly rarely covered, rarely prescribed, expensive, and powerful anti-nausea medicine that she's getting... and she's going on lower doses of something else... although she's getting higher doses of the main chemo drugs, because it's doing something to help, apparently. I can only pray... God can do the miracles. But I'm inspired by her.

One day at a time. I can only pray that I'm making a difference...