Day 1: Challenges

It's the end of the day and I reflect upon the magnitude of the challenge I have chosen to undertake.

First off, I'm hungry. It seems my body knew I was fasting, and has chosen to give me that dull aching feeling that you feel on around the 2nd day of fasting usually. But I seem to have gotten it early. It's not an overriding, desperate hunger, it's just a gnawing of my stomach. Not too difficult to deal with.

But work... work. Everyone called out sick except for me. This means I got an hour of overtime, but more importantly, it meant that there was a ceaseless day of work for me. I didn't let myself stress out, it's just work and I'm going to do what I can do, but that is the first time that has ever happened in my department that I know of. I was offered coffee, but that wasn't hard to refuse. What is weird, is that nobody offered me any food. Almost ALWAYS, when I fast, someone has something left over for lunch, and they give it to me. Virtually 100% of the time. Maybe tomorrow.

Because today was the church fast day, it wasn't odd to be seen as "hungry". My wife shared my hunger as well, and I didn't have time to go get a v8 in the early part of the day. So I saved my v8 for night, and I'm going to pause before I get my milk and go to bed... give my stomach time to digest the v8. Tomorrow, I plan to have it in the morning. Vitamin mid-day.

After the church prayer meeting, I did make a mistake, as I picked up my nephew (the church broke the fast at Taco Bell after the prayer meeting) and I remarked on how good it smelled, and that it was torture. No, not torture... but I need to keep my feelings hidden to myself, if there was a modern parallel to "disfiguring your face so that you appear to men to fast", then it's remarking that you're hungry and that the smell of food is torture. The church doesn't need to know that I fasted today. Yes, the pastor called for it, but he can assume that I did or didn't, and it doesn't matter either way. Now they know (not that they care). At least I didn't make a bigger deal of it, but in any case, I need to be aware of this so that I don't betray myself. This is NOT about me. If I try to get attention for it, to try to make people think that I'm spiritual, then I am getting my reward: attention and admiration (maybe?) from people, instead of attention from God.

Tomorrow is church. I do wonder how my arms will hold up for praise practice while drumming, as well as for drumming during the service. I hope that I can continue doing that. I hope.

I want to get closer to God. I want to do this for the church, for my family... and for Sister M*****. If I don't do it... who will?