Day 13: Another day, a bit closer to madness.

Today, it was Taco Bell that pushed me over the edge. I use the phrase "over the edge" loosely, because I'm not insane... but the thought of eating some Taco Bell makes me nuts. It sounds SO good. I don't have a television, but I visited my parents today, and watched something there, and a commercial for... any type of food looks delicious, even the hamburgers from Dairy Queen. But the Taco Bell one is especially transfixing.

Church was good. I drummed alright, kept my strength up. I have far more strength than I would have believed that I'd have at this point, although I'm finding that I am dehydrated far more than I should be. There was a FIERY sermon today in Church. And Sister M***** was there, feeling chipper and her usual self. I made a special effort to talk to her and see how she was doing. At my usual email to her tonight she replied and told me she appreciates them, and that her next treatment is tomorrow at 3:30. I'll be praying for that.

I'm really hoping to get more hydration tomorrow. I have two meetings, so it will be easier (I tend to drink a lot in meetings, because I'm bored). I'm not ready for the work-week, but it's coming and I have plenty to get done. Next hurdle is this weekend, which may be the hardest... I get to deal with all three kids, by myself. I just HOPE that I can get two days off for it. That will help out a lot on the stress levels, having a three day week.

Still plodding onward. I can't help with being tempted to quit. What am I doing this for? A change in me, healing for M*****, and more. But it feels like there is so much working against me. It's hard not eating with my family, or not going on a date with the wife, and that causes resentment against me. I didn't realize how much social interaction is spent over FOOD. I can't go out with the church, or hang with my friends, or anything like that. That just makes it seem like there's that much more going against me, and the temptation to throw it all away and just be normal for a little bit... well, it's there. But what I have started... I will endeavor to complete. I'm just about 1/3rd of the way done.